Njoki Chege Kiuna Cathy Allan Bishop JccWhen I penned the piece titled “How to be the ultimate female Nairobi pastor,’ many thought I was being disrespectful to a “woman of God”. Do not touch the Lord’s anointed, I was warned.

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I will be cursed, they said. Hungry bears will devour my flesh with biblical wrath and I will be cast into an abyss of pain and anguish.

I was accused of targeting a certain female pastor in this town and that I should apologise. But I dare ask: Apologise for what, you little hypocrites? First of all, I think that we have a lot of rogue pastors masquerading as men and women of God who are fleecing the flock in the name of God.

I am not known to mince my words and I don’t think I am going to start now, just because there is a church involved and a few characters who claim to be Pastors, bishops and apostles. I believe in calling it as it and whoever has a problem with me, can go hang on a short tree. I am sick and tired of seeing educated men and women, jubilating over their‘mummy pastor’ and ‘daddy pastor’ as if their lives depended on it. I am sick and tired of watching foolish but graceful churchgoers cheer loudly and hysterically in church at the mention of their pastors but begin to nod off during Bible reading.

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Well, let me start by educating you fools who flock these so called ‘charismatic’ and ‘modern’ individually-owned churches. Those pastors and televangelists you worship are not God. They are not demigods and they have no supernatural powers. They cannot turn water into wine nor walk on water. They cannot heal your child of asthma nor change your philandering cad of a husband. They cannot heal the blind but they can blind you. What they can do though, is con you off your hard-earned money to bankroll their lavish lifestyles as you struggle in debt and lose sleep over that mortgage.

I think it is utterly stupid for a woman, a refined, educated and emancipated woman with a great job and career prospects to put all her trust in a devious female pastor who doesn’t care about her. You see, just because somebody can speak English with a fake accent, wears expensive garb, plays golf in exotic clubs and proclaims the word of God does not necessarily mean that they are truly appointed of the Lord.

Listen. Just because that church can afford to buy airtime on Sunday mornings to air their hogwash on national TV, does not mean that church is the ultimate church. And just because your pastor drives an expensive car and holidays in South Africa does not mean they are blessed and successful. First of all, who lied to you that material possession is equal to blessing. Isn’t blessings the peace of mind, family, love, and good health?

My dear, that Range Rover your ‘daddy pastor’ is driving is not a blessing. That is stolen property bought with your money. That is not a successful and blessed daddy pastor living in Runda. That is a thug handling stolen property. Hold your curses for later. I am just getting started. Listen, you illogical ‘son and daughters of whoever’. You don’t need a female pastor to pray for you to get a husband. You don’t need a conman or conwoman to pray for your husband to stop coming home at 2am smelling of fresh lodging soap. You don’t need a pastor to be your spiritual mother or father.

God is all you have and He is all you will ever need. You also need to stop being silly, get on your goddamn knees and pray for yourself and your family. Look here, you dimwits who flock those ‘modern’ churches where people ‘live-tweet’ and ‘sub-tweet’ each other during service and tagging their pastors. You don’t need that semi-illiterate conman to come lay hands on you or ground break that kaproject in shagz for God’s blessings. Come on, God is just a prayer away and you don’t need to consult a deluded ex-convict or former house girl who has never been to a Theology class before you embark on an investment.

I will tell you the truth even as you throw tantrums all over social media. Those pastors you people worship and adore are humans like you. They tell you not to drink alcohol but you should see them in golf clubs gulping expensive whiskey and cognac.

They tell you not to commit adultery but you should get a printout of their phone records and Sodom and Gomorrah will get a new meaning. They tell you to stay faithful to your wife but you don’t know what their wives go through-but cannot talk because there is a certain image they want to uphold. Some of those pastors you run to for marital advice are on the verge of divorce and they are only tolerating each other for the sake of their business – the church.

Inviting that kapastor to your home and hosting them for dinner, tweeting and re-tweeting nice things about them is not a ticket to heaven. You must think I am an atheist. Well you are not the first to make that mistake. I am a proud and proper Presbyterian who believes that religion and life must follow certain set practice and procedure. Go figure it out.

Let the curses begin. One at a time please.

358 Comments

  1. I conquer with you 100%, Catholic till i die

  2. This is yet another wonderful piece from you sister. I often wonder how far this nonsense of “mummy/daddy” in churches will go. It makes me sick to the stomach. What happened to preaching love, holiness and repentence ?

  3. Weldone… I saw this lying down when I was barely 5 yrs. Why people, grown ass people can’t see this flying is causing indignation in me… And, whoever the devil curses YOU, YOU’RE STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN, JUST LIKE ME… LET THEM INCLUDE ME IN THE CURSES

  4. I like.

  5. love this 4 any support for this truth am really ready to help.

  6. Big up Njoki, you have called a spade a spade and not a big spoon. That’s why they only preach properity gospel

  7. Amen for Practice n Procedure(P n P’s)!

  8. Amen for Practice n Procudures(P n Ps)

  9. I couldn’t have put it better. This is the very first time I agree with you Njoki 100%. I am a catholic and I wouldn’t give my priest all I have in the name of looking for blessings.

  10. very deep message. mwenye masikio ……

  11. Couldn’t have said it better! If only people could smell the coffee…

  12. isaiah omondi says:

    looking at your comment looks you are hurt by what you have seen your observation may be justifiable and that the society sells that and people find their way but what would you have done if you are the pastor ? would you make it look different. all institutions here on earth have been started by men and all have the same life cycle there is that point of struggle at startups then a platue phase then we have the peak phase that is so called success. our systems feed us with that information that life is that way and so we focus on gratifying the flesh tell me then you don’t want good life and that you are a saint? no man is righteous we are all sinners and have fallen sort the glory of God. in your own right you see your view as right and justifiable but we are all hear on earth and only God is in heaven so all of us have plane ground level and we are all racing to get to that heaven but it wont come about when we criticize each other . it is like two blind men arguing about which way to go. being good does not come about by saying but by actions we know that they are there and if we know the truth that comes from our Master and Lord Jesus then we will be free and will focus on our holiness. for now lets look at Jesus who is the perfecter of our faith and then we will be counted worth to me that is the success we need all including those con men to know this truth . so lets all carry our cross and follow Jesus.

  13. Professions of religions have become popular with the world. Rulers, politicians,lawyers,doctors, merchants, join the church as means of recuring respect and confidence of the society, and advancing their own world interests. Thus they seek to cover all their unrighteous transactons under a profession of christianity.

    Too often religious leaders who are prasied and reverenced lose sight of thier dependence upon God and are led to trust temselves. As a result they seek to control the minds and consciences of the people , who are disposed to look at them for guidance instead of looking to the word of God.

  14. Good Job Njoki, I should hire you to write my SEO articles.

  15. I absolutely 100% concur with your sentiments……Wealth is not necessarily a manifestation of God’s blessings and grace…..gullible men and women are constantly being hoodwinked into adoring successful “so called pastors” at the expense of their hard earned money. God does not need someone to tell Him your problems,aspirations et al but you and only YOU.They prey on their emotions eventually clouding their judgement and conviction to hiw a true believer in God should conduct his/her life. It is a pity seeing these people talking about how they have grown as a church but in reality it is their bank accounts that have,not the spiritual one mind you,so their follwers ought not to get surprised when they are turned away at the Gates of Heaven.This is so sad…….

  16. you’ve just hit wea it hurts most….thanks fo revealing the truth..n the whole truth

  17. You said it gal.People should wake up and smell the coffee

  18. really a hardliner but true to the point. most of the so called faithfuls are overdoing it. Am a christian and wouldnt buy any of the dogmatism being carried around in the “charisma” churches! nice one Njoki

  19. Ndegwa wahome says:

    Love it NJOKI CHEGE.Why don’t every one see things in this very simple way as you do.I applaud you for being honest,concise in a very difficult situation that is Kenyan population.

  20. Preach it sister. HEAD ON!!! I like. The truth as it is.

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